Looking up
Stories from an unwritten book

Looking up

story from an unwritten book

Looking up to him on stage always filled her heart with a mix of love, joy, and pride. She couldn’t understand everything about this art form, but she had seen firsthand his progress. From the first stumbling steps to late-night training sessions, celebrating every small victory and comforted him in his failings. She sees, feels, and hears all these years at once when looking up.

Every road is wide open

Now he is up there – on the big stage in front of all these people who all have come to see him. He did it! And it’s all up to him to choose the path – every road is wide open for him. She just hoped, his youth wouldn’t get in the way of making the right decision for him. She doesn’t have a clue what it is but she is hoping he would choose the one which leads to a better life for him. A life where he wouldn’t have to force himself to do something he hated. A life where he could actually enjoy living instead of working to feed himself and his future family.

How did humans end up in this idiotic circle where we are supposed to and expected to give our lives to serve someone else’s dreams? Make money for someone else and feel lucky for the little scraps they are willing to spare us. Humans have gone wrong somewhere along the line. We have to get permission from strangers to do things in our own homes or to build a home on our land. We truly have fucked this thing up.

Nothing like hers

So she stood there, looked up at him, and prayed that he would have a better life. A life where he could be happy every moment, not worrying about eating or having a roof over his head. Not having to force himself to give up his time to provide for his elementary needs by doing things he doesn’t want to do. That his life would be nothing like hers.

The moment she thought about it she realized that from the outside her life doesn’t look that bad. From the outside, she had it all. We, as humans, are so easily deceived! Show flashy pictures to the people and say: I am rich and famous! And people clap and sigh that they wish to be you. Never realizing that the picture is fake. Never even caring how are you doing when the camera is off.

Her mind drifted off to the times she was young and tried to remember – What did she dream about? What she wanted to become. And smiled.

She used to have so many dreams – everything and more. And in some way she isn’t far off, but still, she’s not happy. She had other visions for adulthood and working life. She, like many others, suffered from false advertising that adulthood is something great, good, and satisfying way to pass time. Wondering why on earth nobody told? Why did nobody warn us?

Hopes and dreams for kids
Hopes and dreams for kids, illustration by Vanessa Dias

Aren’t parents weird?

She was awakened from her thoughts by people chatting behind her – admiring the skills and talent of the young boy on the stage. Her heart melted she herself was kind of tone-deaf  – there have been many times the kid struggled, saying that notes were off and she never could hear that. Or understand. She could just ensure him that he will get it right if he keeps practicing. And remind him that many people in the audience are like her and won’t notice when he plays a few notes off – if he keeps playing, they won’t notice. And the ones with good ears – they will appreciate and admire his ability to overcome and keep playing.

She couldn’t be more proud of him. And yet she knew, he will soon up his game and she will feel the same feeling again. Aren’t parents weird like that? So easily impressed and wowed by the kids. Their kids.

Vision of future

Talking with other parents left her always wondering about herself – is there something wrong with her? Every other seemed to have a clear vision that the kid will grow up to be a lawyer, doctor, or CEO of a big company and live in a big villa or penthouse apartment, driving high-end cars.

She didn’t. She visioned them smiling, having fun, being surrounded by friends and family – being safe and loved. She hasn’t stressed them about getting straight A’s only, because one cannot master all arts. As long as they are not failing and can understand the subject it was all fine by her. Because it really doesn’t matter that they can perfectly draw up molecular diagrams by heart. Unless they will want to become a chemist but surely they will learn them then. Maybe she is wrong?

But does all the money in the world matter – if you are unhappy and lonely?

Sidenote: This post includes an amazing illustration by Vanessa Dias. I was offered an excellent opportunity to illustrate for a post and being too busy and a bit abandoned by creativity fairy – I took it and thanks to this opportunity I was able to publish this post.

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